Healthy Mental and Emotional Development

This group will:

• Have increased ability of their emotions, self-control
• Know how to mask emotions and their use of coping strategies (by age 8)
• Have knowledge of how their actions affect others
• Express preference for structure and routine but they are learning how to assert their independence
• Be able to “step into another’s shoes”
• Form peer groups
• Spend less time with parents and more time with peers

• Increase the child’s self-esteem with warm, positive parenting and reinforcement
• Minimize comparisons among children and help them overcome failures
• Give advice and encouragement when he/she comes across moral questions such as lying, cheating, stealing, etc.
• Help the child think about how to handle feelings of anger and similar emotions in safe ways
• Promote respect and positive relationships between the child and others
• Talk to the child about school, friends, and feelings regularly
• Expect that the child’s level of independence will change depending on the circumstance

A pre-teen adolescent (tween):

• Commonly has emotional swings (feeling wonderful one minute, and sad or irritable the next)
• Begins to rely more on same-age friends
• Views being accepted by peers means being liked
• Still relies on bonds with parents though it may not be demonstrated
• Has thoughts of independence but bonds with family are still clear
• Questions rules and values, often will say things are “unfair”
• May begin to have body image issues

• Listen to the preteen and take his/her feelings seriously
• Don’t minimize the issues they stress out about
• Work together for solutions when problems arise
• Schedule time for family connectedness (shared meals, weekend activities)
• Be involved in social media activities
• Reinforce your family’s values
• Give room for independence and identity exploration
• Be mindful of their self-esteem and feelings of self-worth
• Talk openly about teasing, bullying, and similar problems and the appropriate actions to take when these issues arise

An adolescent:

• Struggles with sense of identity; worries about being normal or “fitting in”
• Feels awkward or strange about self & body image
• Maintains high expectations for self
• Still relies on connectedness with parents but not in an open manner (being rude to parents in front of others)
• Complains that parents interfere with independence
• Begins testing rules and limits
• Develops more friendships with opposite sex
• Has increased exposure to sex and drugs
• Tries to find a group of peers where they fit in and are accepted
• Interests and clothing style are influenced by peer group
• Commonly experiences moodiness
• May return to childish behavior, especially when stressed
• Develops intellectual interests, which  become more important
• Realizes that his/her parents are not perfect and identifies their fault

• Provide an open line of communication
• Be a friend but don’t forget you are the parent
• Set clear expectations and limits.
• Talk about difficult issues early on (bullying, sex, drugs, gangs, etc.)
• Don’t wait until they initiate the conversation
• Get to know your teenager’s friends
• Don’t overreact to changes in clothing style or appearance
• Be sensitive to identity issues
• Communicate and model your values about issues such as honesty, integrity, and responsibility.
• Provide positive feedback
• If you suspect a problem, ask your teen what is bothering him/her and then listen
• Be honest about your experiences to help them make wise decisions

Common for this group:

• Girls are more likely to be physically mature
• Boys may not have completed physical maturity
• Exhibits an increased interest in the opposite sex
• Tests rules and limits
• Chooses role models
• May experiment with sex and drugs (cigarettes, alcohol, marijuana)
• Interests and clothing style are influenced by peer group.
• Peers are still important but moving towards their own identity/thoughts
• Commonly experiences moodiness
• Increased stress and anxiety about future choices (work/school)

• Provide an open line of communication and supportive environment
• Don’t be judgmental and disregard their ideas and plans for the future
• Provide space for exploration of new interests
• Don’t overwhelm them with talks of the future
• Talk regularly about difficult issues (sex, drugs, gangs, etc.)
• Continue to reinforce your family’s values
• Set expectations and limits with room for independence
• Provide positive feedback
• If you suspect a problem, ask your teen what is bothering him/her and then listen